True Test in the Desert

Finally, dear readers, we'll get to see our new defense against an offense that knows how to attack a 3-4. The surprise NFC Champion Cardinals aren't just familiar with the 3-4: They also happen to have one of the most explosive passing attacks in the league. The Redbirds may be without some of their top weapons, but they will have the Age-less Wonder Kurt Warner and top Wide-Out Larry Fitzgerald on the field, so our shiny new defense that has looked so splendid in weeks one and two will certainly be tested out in the desert.

The desert happens to be a good place for important testing. Just ask the Air Force. Or the aliens. It's something about that dry air, I'm told.

The desert air probably explains the Ageless Wonder Kurt Warner, who, although older than Yours Truly, can still throw the ball 70 yards on a rope. There can only be one explanation, dear readers: Kurt Warner is an alien.

Why does he wear gloves?
• Sick Alien Hands with tentacles and teeth and suckers.
Why can he throw the ball so well, despite being well over 8,000 Light Years Old?
• Secret Alien Turbo Muscles.
Why do they show his wife after every other damned play?
• To "prove" he's a human, probably.
The story about how he stocked shelves at grocery stores in a 'former life'?
• Cover for his extraterrestrial research on human nutrition patterns.

Good Lord, dear readers, I may be on to something here.
Hopefully the CIA doesn't read this blog.

So What else?
Let's get through this game without any injuries.
Avoid cacti and lizards.
And keep an eye on Tyrell Sutton, who is definitely human (although freakishly elusive!), and who definitely has a chance to make the final roster. I really like this kid and I'll be rooting for him. Now that Devin Frickscheckt is off the team with a leg-snap, he's my go-to underdog.

I need to go pick some tomatoes, folks. Have a good weekend!
Until next time, then,