Lions extinct in NFC North

In a stunning announcement this morning, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell declared the Detroit Lions "extinct in the NFC North, due to embarrassing performance, habitat loss, and predation by superior teams like the Green Bay Packers."
Goodell said the organization, following the first ever 0-16 season in NFL history, has been disbanded and that some of the stronger members of the pride, like stand-out wide receiver Calvin Johnson, would be sent to protected football preserves in hopes of reintroduction of the species into a "more favorable climate."
Perhaps Goodell was referencing the Canadian Football League, or the Big 10, where the Lions might have a better shot as succeeding in victory.
So it appears, dear readers, that the NFC North will only have three teams going into the 2009 season. There is no word yet on how the Packers, Bears and Vikings will be compensated for their two guaranteed wins over the former detroit franchise. Rumors indicate Goodell is open to having the Packers play in intra-squad scrimmage on Thanksgiving Day on national TV, which would probably generate better ratings than showing the lowly Lions sputter in front of their home crowd once again. The NFL will likely aim to install a new franchise to round out the NFC North in 2010, with Toronto, the fifth-largest city in North America, a front-runner. Other possibilities include Fargo, Calgary and Billings, Montana.
I've got to say, dear readers, I have long agreed that the Lions were not 'NFL Material', but to simply kick a team out of the league for pure lousy-ness is a surprise even to me. With this precedent on the books, it is only a matter of time before the Bears and Vikings are given a kick in the behind as well.
Until next time, then.