Super Salty

Tell you what, folks, those Bengal Tigers just delivered a Grade A beating on our home-turf, Sunday. And here's another thing, our offensive line was down-right awful, and then we lost the one guy we could not afford to lose: Chad Clifton. It sounds like he'll be missing for at least a few games, as of this morning.

So have any of you seen an offensive line stink it up this badly? I'm sure I have, but it wasn't recently. We could've put a couple of card-boarded cut-outs and a sea-tortoise up there and done just as well. You folks know I don't go after upper management very often, but this is Ted's line and they can all go suck on a lemon. Rodgers is going to get decapitated if this keeps up. We're lucky he hasn't been lost for the season already the way things are going.

It's bad enough we can't form a pocket for Number 12, but we apparently can't run, either. Or maybe Ryan Grant is simply mediocre. Hard to say.

And here's my biggest gripe of the day: We aren't going to win many games when Greg Jennings doesn't have a catch. He's our top play-maker, folks, and that is just inexcusable. Just baffling. And that all falls on Mike. Total baloney.

So I'm a bit salty this morning. Probably most salty because my wings didn't turn out right. And by that, I mean they were ridiculously SALTY. I bought some authentic Mexicali Hot Sauce to try out this week, and I guess I went a bit over-the-boards. They were not hot at all, and they were not spicy, but they were about the saltiest batch of wings I've ever turned out. I still ate them up, though. I balanced it out with some fresh pears from orchard, since we have about 500 gallons in the pantry as of this morning. Right away when I tested them out I knew things were not going to end well. As you know, I'm a believer in omens. If the chicken wings get out of sorts, the offensive line is sure to follow. Et cetera.

So we can always tweak the sauce recipe for next week, but what in the heck are we gonna do about that offensive line? Why can't we stop the Bengals on third and a half-mile? How many hits can Ronnie Rodgers take before he snaps in two?

I guess this is where a good coach will earn his paycheck. But here's the real question: Do we actually have a good coach? Not sure, folks. Does management know how to draft an offensive line-man? Sure doesn't look like it, dear readers.

Here's how I'm going to measure things against the Ram-Horns next week: Does Ryan Grant go for more than 100 yards? The best way to protect Rogers, to get the line back on the tracks, to open up the passing game again, to give the defense a breather, is to Run The Ball. Mike needs to get this team to wake up and smash some-one in the mouth on offense.

Oh, I'm not done yelling, folks.

Things I Yelled At The Television Set:
• "This offensive line is a Dumpster Fire!"
• "Nice salute to Ocho-cinco's pathetic leap, Packers Fan!"
• "If Carson Palmer actually scored on that QB Sneak, I will purchase and eat a Carson Palmer jersey!"
• "Catch the ball you knuckle-heads!!!"

Alright, I've gotta go eat some of these pears and then take a nap. Look for my Ram-Horns preview story on Wednesday, along with an Ike Update.

Until next time, then.