Vikings 1 Recap

Hey Tony, shut your Kornheiser!

ESPN’s Color Commentator seems to think that all Packers fans share a common brain that remains hypnotized by Mr. Brett Favre. Packers fans care not about the actual games, said Tony Kornheiser with confidence Monday night. Packers fans think only – after each play – “Brett - Brett - Brett - Brett.” Really, Tony?

What a doofus.

I, dear readers, am a fanatical and devout Packer Backer. During games I get so nervous and excited my heart runs wind-sprints; I clutch the arms of my rocking chair; wild screams and yelps hurl from my mouth like fire-crackers popping in the street. If you read this you’re probably the same way, but I wouldn’t assume you all think just like me. You and I or any third grader understand that you can’t get ten people to agree on something, much less a billion.*

But I should’ve expected as much from the national media zombies. They’re all knuckle-heads. They dwell too long. Occasionally, they say something intelligent. Like when play by play guy Mike Tirico had the decency to install a “Favre Moratorium” to start the second half. Next time we play on cable television I’m making Walter mute the parrots so we can turn on Wayne and Larry on the radio-box.

OK, folks, let’s get to the game recap. Well this sure was a nail-biter right up until Atari Bigby finally picked off one of Tavaris Jackson’s horribly inaccurate passes. Good-ness grief, the Vikings passing game is just this side of pathetic. Adrian Peterson had a few nice runs, and they ended up scoring more points than I predicted, but overall the Packers defense did a solid job. Until the Vikings prove they can bring a multi-dimensional attack, defenders will continually stack the box, which is good news for us.

While Tavaris struggled once again, Aaron Rodgers looked like a confident veteran out there. He had two great touch-down passes and another on the ground… What’s that? There was a line-man down-field illegally? Seriously? So Rodgers had two touchdowns and one of the most emphatic spikes I have ever seen. And he was accurate, completing over 80 percent of his passes. It’s just one game, but it was a good start.

Now I saw a few “Welcome to Mr. Rodgers’ Neighborhood” signs in the crowd and that’s the last time you’ll hear me mention that phrase. It’s just too easy. Too obvious. Come on, you sign-toting fanatics. You can do better. Like “Attack Kettle Hill, Rough Rodgers!”

Number 12 had a great game to start the season, but the play of the night goes to the always-shifty Will Blackmon, who’s punt return for a touch-down in the second half proved the difference in victory. I should also point out the great blocking on this play. Things are also looking good on my earlier prediction that Blackmon would have more kick and punt return touchdowns than Devin Hester.

Here’s My Final Thoughts:

- You better knock it off with those Favre commercials, Wrangler. I’m serious. I’ll take every pair I own and burn them in the fire pit out back if you keep it up.

- Frosty the Punter crushed the ball on Monday. I’m still leery of changing up the punter and place-holder the week before the regular season begins, but so far so good.

- Finally, take it easy refs. Coach McCarthy said they called a tight game (21 total penalties). I say they were just itching to whip some yellow around after a long off-season. Guess what refs? Nobody’s watching to see you turds wave your hands around and blather about illegal formations. Put the flag down and let the players play the game.

Well, folks, that’s all I’ve got. Great to start the season with a victory. Only 18 more to go. Until next time, then.

* - Estimated number of Packers fans, living and deceased, by the Meat Packers Union Census Bureau.