The Beef-Heart Turbo Skunking

When I made my prediction last week (Minnesota-13, Packers-24) I did not foresee a succulent beef-heart in my future. Had I, I would not have made such a fool-ish prog-nostication. The powers of the stewed beef-heart are well-known, and on Thursday evening, I learned that my good friend and bowling league team-mate, Harold, was planning on fixin’ a juicy beef-heart for the game on Sunday. Well, I said, after finishing off a ten-pin, that certainly changes everything. Harold agreed, heartily.
On Saturday I went to view the great muscle as it thawed. I told it a few stories about Brett Favre and admired its presence. As I slept that evening, the beef-heart came to me in a dream and spoke eloquently about the domination that would soon follow. When I told Harold this during the pre-game warm-ups, with the scent of the cooking thumper lingering from the kitchen area, he just nodded and smiled. And so, before it began, we all knew that the Beef-Heart Turbo Skunking phenom-enon was upon us.
Sunday’s smash-mouth victory over the hated Vikings was one of the finest displays of sporting grace I have ever witnessed, dear readers. Of course, this was only made more enjoyable as I nibbled on delicious cuts of a cattle’s once-beating heart. Content-ment washed over my soul. And then there was my famous ‘cookie loaf’ for dessert. Huzzah! I’ll have two slices, please.
Now that I’ve got your tummies rumbling, let me offer up a few tasty morsels for you readers to nibble on:
The Packers joined the Steelers as the only team to post a shut-out this season. It is the first time ever that the Packers have shut out those horrible, horrible Vikings. The Packers defense further embarrassed the Purple Indoorsies by not surrendering one third or fourth down conversion. If there was any question as to who has the best defense in the NFC, I believe this statement cleared those up.
The Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson critics have been shushed this season and let’s keep it that way. Nobody’s perfect, folks, but we’ve got us a real winner with this combination. McCarthy now has the most wins of any Packers’ coach to start his career, and his record on the road is down-right impressive. Thompson needs to sign this up-and-comer to a long-term deal, pronto. In just over a year, McCarthy has turned Sherman’s disaster into a play-off team. And this is not just any play-off team, either, folks. In the NFC, at least, the Packers could do very well for themselves. Hard to believe I’m typing that after an 8-8 season, but it’s the happy truth.
Well, I’ve got more pleasant news this week. Some-body pinch me! I just found out that I’ll be attending the Carolina game in person next Sunday at glorious Lambeau Field. This is yet further proof of the power of the beef-heart.
Carolina was predicted as a Super-Bowl contender just last season, but that’s a team going in the wrong direction. Vinny Testaverde and David Carr are one of the NFL’s worst quarter-back tandems, and the Packer’s defense should eat them up like a predator getting ready for hiber-nation. I don’t see the offense slowing down, either, with another hefty serving of General Grant behind an improving line. Like the siege of Petersburg during our Civil War, victory is inevitable, dear readers. Mark it: Carolina-10, Green Bay-33.
Until next week, then.