Last Super-Bowl? you scoff, But what-ever are you talking about?
I am deadly serious, dear readers. Deadly. This is no brow-beatin', nor sabre-rattlin', nor minacity of revelations. But, be honest, the signs of the end times are all around us! I asked my good neighbor Mrs. H, who is well over 100 years, what do you make of it all? And she rubbed her hands together and said, How the hell should I know, Mr. Union? But my, the Packers sure look grand! With that she went on her way to play bingo.
I'll quit teasing yous. Large quantities of black-birds are falling dead from the skies. This news is scaring people all over the south-lands, from Louisiana to Arkansas, where they also have piles of dead sheepshead floating ashore (fun fact: Sheepshead are also known as Drum, Silverbass and Thunder-pumpers - they are one of many species that, inexplicably, eats pebbles). Many theories have been put forth to describe these great extinguishers of life: Some say it is unusual winter-time hail, or secret military weapons testing, or chemicals, or a team hosting a play-off game with a losing record... Maybe the aliens dis-like black-birds, and I can't blame them. More than once I've had a rascallious black-bird nest in the yard, and then peck at my poor melon any-time I went out to water the tomatoes. Shoo! Shoo! But that didn't work so I got out my varmint-killer and restored order to the yard. I'm off topic here now, but I don't care. Every-one has dealt with pesky birds and recalling the story amuses me. An'so I share.
But what of these mass critter slaughters that have been dubbed 'The Aflockalypse"? 100,000 Thunder-pumpers, 5,000 birds in Arkansas, another 500 or more in Louisiana. What kind of god-awful sick-ness or brutality could cause such harm to the flock? And during the NFL play-offs no less? Further-more, what is the lesson for us wit-nesses?
Of course we have no good answers to this or most of life's mysteries. The reasonable answer is coincidence, but the exciting answer is Rapture. The internet is no place for reasonable-ness, folks! So let's assume the Mayans were right and that these dead critters are just another sign of impending doom in 2012, and let's assume the NFL doesn't play in 2011-12... Conclusion: This season's Super-Bowl will be the last one played, and that means the Packers must win it!
Well, that's one way to look at it, I guess. As my regular readers know, physics also teaches us that the Packers win the Super-Bowl every year regardless how many birds die! The same principal also guarantees, however, there is an earth where the Packers never win a game, let alone the Super-Bowl, which is a shame, and who wants to think like such a bucket of dirty bath-water any-ways? There is also a universe where bird deaths are considered good luck, where eagle steaks are on every grill, where the Mayans still rule, where the internet is used for good. Infinity is a great thing, dear readers, but it may also melt your mind! Be care-ful!
In conclusion, this blog post was brought to you by an ever-expanding, unlimited universe, and a few PBR's drank by the wood-stove, and I had fun writing it. Back to more serious Packers ideas tomorrow! Until next time,
Shoo! Shoo! Ye Demon Birds!
FG
