Summertime Report, 2009

So it has been a while since we've updated the site here at Meat Packers Union, and Ike has been pesterin' me to gin up some fresh material. "You can't take the whole summer off," he says. "You're living in a digital age, and you'll lose your readers if you don't give 'em something new to chew on."

Pardon me, youngster!

The kid may be right, but it's summertime (well almost anyways), and there just ain't much going on in Green Bay this time of year. I mean, who really cares about Organized Team Activities? Meaningless! Meaningless as dissecting a cloud or worrying about an aero-plane that has fallen into the sea without a trace! It simply doens't matter, folks. There are things we will never understand and those that we need not attempt. Who cares why Rhubarb leaves are poisonous when the stalk they are connected to are so damned tasty?

Just Eat the Pie and Smile!

And I sure as heck ain't wasting my time, or your time, talking about that Crazy Fellow down south. I'll leave that to all the 'professionals' if you don't mind, until Something Actually Happens, dear readers.

And it will.

I thought about writing a column on "34 reasons the 3-4 defense will change our fortunes," but the crappies have been biting and my good wife Mooney sure likes a fresh fish fry, and I sure like sitting in my boat drinking ice-cold PBRs, so I decided to spend the better part of June doing that instead. Me and my cousin Walter hoot at the speed-boaters. Hey now, hey now.

Surely, you must be thinking, You've gotta have a better excuse for not writing than a Hot Crappie Bite, F.G. ...

Well, I've been keeping busy, folks, believe it or not.

- I fixed the garbage disposal unit yesterday with a big wooden spoon and a head-lamp. I've got no idea what kind of junk was stuck in there but it smelt almost as bad as the fish guts in the garbage can out back.
- I tell you what, that lawn has been growin' faster than a cannonball shot from the space-station. Wonder if grass grows in space? Probably not. I hope I never find out.
- I've been working on some paintings. I like to paint my pictures on scraps of old cedar planks. The one I'm doing now is a still life of a red bird and a cup of coffee. Maybe at the end of summer I'll take them to the flea market and trade them for goodies.
- Did I mention the hot crappie bite?

Anyways, the New Moon coming on Sunday signals the beginning of summer, and soon I'll be picking fresh tomatoes and getting back into my Packers Mindset. Even though the Brewers are doing well again this year, nothing can compare to the beginning of training camp and the pre-season and yearning for autumn, and when that time comes, dear readers, you can count on me to break out the type-writer on a more regular basis, so that Ike here can translate it all into glorious electronic text for your enjoyment.

I truly hope your summer is a splendid one, filled with short-slacks and picnic lunches and afternoons rocking in a boat with the hot sun splashing down.

Until next time, then.